Here's the part that I don't understand, though. I've been grappling with these same issues (depression, suicidal ideation, etc.) since I was a preteen. This is the first time that things have really come to a head and made me feel like my life is falling apart. The thing is, before I overdosed, I wasn't depressed. I wasn't thinking about suicide constantly. Although I was exhausted, I was usually happy.
Do I really need to eliminate stressors? Is that really going to make life better? I feel like it's just the opposite. Stressors are usually what motivate me to be productive. They make me feel useful and provide meaning in my life. I always thrived off of being challenged and being busy.
I only started feeling really content after I started going to Oberlin where I was surrounded by musicians, convinced they were all better than I was, and scared shitless half the time. It was intense, but it gave me a reason to live. I know that having a kid and a family should be a way more important reason to live, and I don't know why I don't feel the same way, but, as Kara mentioned to me, time does move in slow motion when you have a child.
I guess I always thought not that I was depressed, and that working really hard was my coping mechanism, but instead that working hard, being challenged, and learning were what brought meaning into my life and gave me control over my mood.