Wednesday, March 30, 2011

my pharmaceutical cornucopia

I've become the noncompliant patient. I stopped taking most of my meds about two weeks ago.

"It's classic bipolar," my doctor said, "to just stop like that."
I pulled my hands inside the sleeves of my sweater, squirming. "It started as an accident. I was taking Seroquel and Klonopin at night, and Lexapro and Wellbutrin in the morning; I kept forgetting to take the morning meds, and I started to feel better."

I knew that it would be obedient to get back on track despite the missed doses, that I was putting myself at risk for some kind of depressive relapse or whatever -- by stopping without tapering, but I really didn't care. I felt so much better.

Anyway, if discontinuing some of my medications is viewed as being "bipolar" at least I kept taking the one that would actually be appropriate for that diagnosis (the Seroquel). I don't know. Maybe I am a nut.

Good thing I like nuts.


  1. Well, if you find yourself not sleeping again, you may want to mention this to your doctor and think about resuming your meds. It would suck to go back to being (hypo?)manic and then spiral back to where you were. You've sounded good for the last couple of posts for the first time in months, and it's really good to have you back!

  2. Thanks for your encouragement, E, appreciated! I'll let you know how it all goes! ;)

    I think you're smart enough to realize what relapse is and the fact that you recognize that it can happen is a good start to monitoring yourself (I know most docs hate it when you say that to them because it makes them feel out of control of your situation). If you start to feel bad again, maybe resuming meds will help... I'm not a pharm whiz, but are those that take forever before they kick in? I guess if they are, keep that in mind, too.

    I think it's all easy for us to sit here and speculate this and that, you're the one going through it. I just think everyone here is rooting for you, wants you alive, writing and most importantly happier than you have been as of not too long ago. :) So you do, what you gotta do. :)