Thursday, April 28, 2011

I can't sleep

Still haven't figured out the daycare situation yet.  I wonder if I should quit the new job.  Today was my second day at work.  I like that I can hide in the corner of the hospital and not have to interact with very many people.  On the other hand, I've been doing mostly data entry that is tedious and boring and generally reinforces my feelings of inadequacy.

I am really starting to hate work.

I can't even imagine wanting to have any kind of job.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I don't want anything.

I haven't wanted to write about it, but I don't even want to take classes or go to medical school.  I can't think of a single thing that I'd ever want to do.  I just keep sort of tentatively planning to take a class in the fall hoping that eventually I'll feel more like myself.  Right now, all I really want out of life is to sleep.

I don't know why I even have this blog anymore.  Sometimes I think I should delete it.  I don't really blog about the healthcare profession very much, anymore, instead just how much I've screwed up my life.


  1. Oh, honey. In case you haven't noticed, we have ALL screwed up our lives. You write here because we get it. We have all felt those feelings before and we understand. As far as the job goes, don't read too much into it. It's only been two days; don't let your expectations thwart you. Also, don't overthink the pre-med classes. I think that you need to keep up with your meds, your therapy, and all of the good things that help you to feel like yourself. As far as the medicine thing goes, everyone has days when they're just not feeling it or not wanting it. It's completely normal and doesn't mean that every day will feel like that, because it won't.

  2. Agreed with Red - there are tough days, and you may have made your path harder in life, but that doesn't mean that you can't do it. I'm a 25 year old premed too, and there are definitely times when I feel overwhelmed by the path ahead, but you know what? Being a doctor will be fun - it certainly wont be boring! Keep your eyes on the prize. What some Gray's Anatomy or Scrubs if you need an inspiration recharge lol. Stay strong.

  3. Hang in there, and keep blogging! EVERYONE feels like they've screwed up at one point or another, and everyone has set backs.

  4. Yes, what Red said. I am a geezer and can tell you that there will be plenty of opportunities to screw up your life. Keep your intellectual curiosity going and things have a way of working out. Take care of yourself so miniman can have a mom. I lost mine in 1954 and I have missed her terribly ever since. She had a beautiful singing voice. Do you sing to miniman?

  5. You're having a bad day. It happens to the best of us. I know you're frustrated, but this will pass also.