Saturday, April 30, 2011

life in general

MiniMan has learned how to harvest our wacky daffodils (note short stems)

I'm sorry for all the bitchy posts.  I have really been feeling crummy, lately, or maybe more accurately, been more aware of it.  I think this is good.

We managed to find daycare for MiniMan that would be $600/month, five days a week.  We don't need five days a week, but maybe it would be good for my husband to actually (!) have some time to himself, or be able to pick up extra shifts at work.  I'm going to check her out next week, but I have the feeling it will be okay.  She's been in business for about twenty years, a friend referred us, and she has an opening.  I've got my fingers crossed.

Work is okay.  It is still kind of overwhelming being back in the hospital.  I really thought that I had kind of made peace with my hospitalization and what happened in the fall, but I've started to realize that even though I don't want to and don't think I should, I still feel ashamed (for failing) and guilty (for being unreliable).

I still dread talking to anyone and have pretty much cloistered myself in my office (which has a door!).  Actually, the workspace is comparatively good.  It's really different from being in a clinical environment where I never had my own chair and was always searching for a free computer even when I was doing long-term projects like re-drafting policies.  Now I have a large desk, two fucking file cabinets that are not filled with other peoples' junk, and my own chair.  I do share my office with one of the new analysts, who seems cool.  I am kind of relieved not to have a cubicle because that just seems too much like Dilbert.


  1. I hope the upward trend continues. You take good care.

  2. AWESOME deal on the daycare. Give it a little time at the job, and you'll get into the swing of things. The first month or so is always the hardest.

  3. Yay! So happy that things are working out with the daycare. And yes, offices with doors are not to be underestimated! Onward and upward!

  4. A year after I gave up on my medical aspirations (I'm too effin' old)my former employer asked if I would come back. I got my old office back and it still had some of my former stuff in it. It was comforting. Hopefully you get over the shame and guilt and learn patience with yourself. Besides, its good to have a chair that knows your butt!

  5. Glad things are working out! LOVE the flowers :)