Monday, October 17, 2011

not so descriptive

Not so sure what I want these days.  Dropped physics.  Again.  Infidelity.  Who knew my best friend could deliver a slap in the face like that.  Just couldn't concentrate.  Trying to move on.  Work is busy.  Really just want things to be better; the way they used to be.

Finding I like beer.

I really like beer.

Actually, all alcohol is pretty good.  Chilled warm forgetfulness in a bottle.


  1. I enjoyed physics, but hated organic chem with a passion.

    I'm particularly fond of wine. It makes me feel good and I enjoy rationalizing my drinking habit by touting the health benefits.

    I just re-read your Jack Kerouac quote. It's a damn good quote.


  2. Wait, you dropped physics because a friend did something shitty to you? How does this make sense? What are you leaving out of this story, Mezzo?

    The best revenge is often to move on with your life and succeed at or at least be happy with what you're doing, FWIW.

  3. Just didn't seem like I could do it all without something failing. Either my marriage, the job, or the class. So I gave something up. At this point, I figure, what's another year. I don't even know if I care anymore. I am realizing how much I really hate being sleep deprived. Two days into class I was getting up at 3:00a.m. to study. I hate doing that all the time. I don't want the next decade to be like that.

  4. I concur. Sleep deprivation sucks big time, and is a horrible way to live your life. Truth be told, I didn't find I had to sleep deprive myself all that much during my post-bac or even med school.... but my life situation is way less complicated than yours, and my commute is small.

    I hope your job is going well. You sounded very upbeat and positive about it a few months back. Maybe if that continues it will lead to something better. Plus mini-man will go to school eventually, and will take up less time.

    EG, you WILL figure it out, but it's about the process as much as the finish line, and if you have to make yourself miserable to get where you think you want to be, then you're right to question whether it's really the right choice for you.

    I do wish you'd post more often, as I miss reading you regularly!

  5. Mezzo I hope things get better for you. This post made me instantly think of your March 9, 2011 entry. I'm not sure what events transpired regarding the infidelity, best friend, and "slap in the face"...but we are all human. There's only so much we can take.... A slap in the face may be shocking but sometimes we need it to "wake up"...

  6. Anon - I don't think the cheating was meant as a wake-up call. I was already awake. I think my husband sort of saw suicidality as abandonment, though, so I get, kind of, where he was coming from. Was it human? Yeah, regrettably. Doesn't mean it still doesn't blow chunks. Sometimes I wonder if some people are just better off alone. Sometimes I wonder if I am one of them. I'm probably being all dark and gloomy, though. What's done is done.

    OMDG - Yeah. The job is good. Things are okay. I will try to post more often. Sometimes I think it just makes me sad. I'm not sure why. You would think reflecting would be cathartic, but sometimes I think it ends up being more like dwelling. Still, it is nice to be missed.

  7. EG -- Apparently I needed to refresh my memory.... your husband cheated on your with your friend???? I hope I read that wrong.


    Ok, totally reasonable reason to drop Physics.

  8. OMDG - Sorry, never really explained things. Probably won't ever really explain things in much more detail as my husband reads my blog and I'm not really sure that anything positive will come from writing about it. Don't really feel like what happened is worth thinking about, but, to clarify: my husband was having a thing with a nurse he works with (not my friend). When I was referring to "my best friend" I was referring to my husband.

  9. Well, that sucks too. I hope you guys are doing better now.

  10. "Actually, all alcohol is pretty good. Chilled warm forgetfulness in a bottle."

    haha. Much better than physics, eh. :)

    Peny@When Nursing is not Meant for You